2019 – In Retrospect

Dear diary,
Whatever the fuck this year was, I’m glad it’s over. 2019 was not my year, not at all. I had really good expectations coming into this year only for it to be a load of rubbish. I was still stressed from all the problems OAU put me through last year that I was seriously looking forward to this year, little did I know 2018 was just rehearsal for 2019. A lot of weapons fashioned against me prospered. They got me good.
I mean some good things happened this year; I wrote two international exams and I passed both excellently even without any preparations. Big man ting! I completed my youth service and I launched this masterpiece. But, the bad was so bad that I couldn’t enjoy the good.
First half of the year was the worst 6months of my entire existence – First I lost money, I’m talking all my life savings here. I lost a shit load of money that I could barely afford the smallest things. I had to live on the tightest budget – if you know me, you know this is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I mean, what is worse than going from Prada to Nada? I was dead broke and life was just coming at me real fast.
I ended friendships with people I thought were going to be in my life forever. Though, I was okay with the status of our relationships changing, I never for once imagined being complete strangers with these people. It was a struggle, A neccessary one.
The worst part wasn’t ending these friendships, the worst part was realizing I overplayed my importance in a lot of people’s lives. Imagine you had 90minutes to prove yourself and you gave a Messi masterclass, only to be substituted in 2seconds. Shameful right? The question here is do you want to crawl out of the pitch and have your fans boo you like Xhaka or you’re going to be a Moise Kean and take your L with pride? You don’t watch football? Sorry for you. Anyway, I chose the latter and it came with a lot of consequences.
My mental health was deteriorating, I was losing so much weight – no jokes my fattest was 45kg. I had to adjust to a whole new life routine, it felt like I had not even been living at all, like all the previous years wasn’t me living it or it was me living for other people. I had lost so much of myself in transition, I didn’t even know who the fuck I was anymore. I knew I needed to press a reset button. I had to completely shut out from the world, social media and anything that radiates bad energy. I wouldn’t step out of the house, I was so unmotivated. I was really going through it. The only way out was to keep hanging out with myself till I became me again and I think that’s the golden rule to finding happiness or finding yourself “Keep hanging out with yourself until you are you again” It works. I completed over 15 TV series. I think the most pathetic thing I did was buy a tripod just to make videos of me talking to myself and pretend as if I had a YouTube channel 😂 lol, one time I stared into the camera for almost 5 minutes, looking at myself at the end I sighed and said “it’s going to be okay” it was funny and sad but it worked.
From losing friends to making new ones, fearing change to facing change, trying to please everyone to trying to please myself, being afraid to be different to being comfortable with my individuality, sacrificing my happiness for others to putting my happiness first. All this happened in one year, it made me realise how strong I am and I think in the end there was a lot of growth. I obviously didn’t like how it happened, but it happened and it’s been the best year so far (the irony)
I have to say midlife crisis did me dirty, no cap but it’s also been excellent. I have cried, replaced old memories with new ones, met people that I genuinely love most importantly, I have behaved selfishly and it has been fantastic ’cause now, I know what I want and I am happy AF. I am grateful for the experience and the people in my life (particularly those I met this year) and I am ready for the new year, I can already smell the awesomeness. 2020 is going to be good, great actually and I can’t wait for the start of a new decade.
This year went from -100 to a solid 8. I have no expectations for the new year, I just want to live and be free like my old self, because honestly life was better when I didn’t care. So back to focusing on things and people that actually matter, loving God, listening to my weird and diverse playlist, blogging, laughing carelessly and being kind to everyone. Oh, I’m currently in Ghana working on some beautiful travel content for you guys. I can’t wait to be back and give you all the gists.
Tell me, On a scale of 1-10 what was 2019 like for you? And what are you looking forward to in 2020?