I started this year with hopes of finally meeting someone and being in a serious relationship. I was hopeful but I wasn’t searching. I believe love comes to you when you’re ready, not when you’re searching. For a 20 sth-year-old Nigerian to be ready for love, she has to have; Money or at least a good job, social maturity, did I say money? You’re probably wondering “what is social maturity?” I’ll explain, Ever heard of the term “hoe phase?” That period between your late teens and early 20’s when life seems to be going in the best direction when everything is in place and you just don’t care about anything else in the world. When you can kiss who you want and go where you like. That part when you’re hoeing around, smoking weed, going to clubs and juggling different men? Yeah, I never had that. You see, the problem with missing all of that is you start to crave it at your latter years, and the problem of experiencing it is that you find it difficult to stop. That’s why social maturity is important before considering a relationship. To know when and where to draw boundaries and respect your partner.
Anyway back to me, I never had a hoe phase. lol, at my age, I never experienced all of that and no matter how I want to try to do that now, it’s too late. The fear of “I haven’t really lived/enjoyed life” is why I am scared of commitment. That scares me more than the pain of heartbreak. So you know what I did? I changed my perspective of ”living life” I learned I didn’t do all those things ’cause it’s just not my nature and if I were to, I wouldn’t be living my true self. “Living life” to me is being comfortable enough to go where I like when I like. It’s travelling with my friends and laughing with my family, I accepted the fact and it made me happy. I opened my heart and was ready to give people a chance.
When I’m in love, I feel compelled to act in a way which is completely at odds to my true desires. So it’s a bit like being back in primary school with the kid who pulls your hair and flicks mud at you (but is secretly crushing on you) I start to deny my feelings and be less attentive to theirs (lol, I’m a mess, I know) When I start to say things like ”you’re not even that fine” ”I didn’t miss you” just know that I’m gone. When I start complaining or getting cranky ’cause we didn’t speak all day or haven’t spoken in a few hours then verily I say unto you, my mumu button has been fully activated.
I have met a couple of people that I liked. Some of them, I thought of dating but I ran at the slightest fuck up. Don’t judge me but I cancelled one ‘cause he said “Ozil is a better player than Iniesta” There was one that I really liked but he said wasn’t ready for a relationship, lol. I locked up and as soon as I was moving on to the next, he came back and said he was now ready. Of course, I ignored him. He is now the Ozo to my Nengi. There was another one I really liked but couldn’t go further with because;
Then came one, he was different, responsible, honest, annoying (in a cute way) but it was the attention to details for me. He is very intentional about me, everything he does is in accordance to a plan that I’m always involved in. I have never been treated with so much care and warmth before.
”I love you” is not a pickup line and should only be said with the purest intent. Opening up is a scam but at some point, you have to do it. Love is being vulnerable, it’s letting someone in even when it’s uneasy. I know It’s only been a few months but I think I’m in love. It’s exciting and I can’t wait to see where it goes. (I may just be capping)
Now that I have spilt all the tea going on in my life, Answer these questions in the comments section – what have you been up to? Did you ever have a hoephase? Are you in love? How do you know that you are in love?
