2021; Major Life Update

It’s unlike me to not give a yearly review but what else is there to say about 2020? There is no point dwelling on the past, especially that one [bad energy stay far away] So, let’s move on to hopefully better days.

I know I have been MIA lately and as much as I would’ve loved to blame it on my laziness, it’s the exact opposite. I have been very busy. “Busy doing what?” I am currently studying for my Master’s Degree at the School of Media and Communications, Pan-Atlantic University. It’s been super stressful and it takes all my time but it’s a necessary evil. I’m only trying my best to further my education for self-fulfilment. AKA, bragging rights. I don’t want to but I have to.

A very unpopular opinion about me is that I am very shy and I hate public speaking of any kind. I mask this fear with humour. Whenever I am put on the spot or in any situation that involves me being seen or heard, my shy ass starts to laugh. 100% of my attempts have always led to one embarrassment or the other so, I gave up. One time in UNI, a lecturer pointed at me to answer a question and I completely froze. I didn’t say a word, he tried to get me to speak, I tried to but, nothing was coming out of my mouth. I went dumb for almost 20mins. I was called to the lecturer’s office after the class and he threatened to make me retake the course, and then the tears started. Another unpopular opinion about me is that I’m a relatively good actress. I can and will cry, shout, be a baby, sulk and act any part just to get out of trouble or get something done to my advantage ( I know I’m setting myself up 😂 ) But it always works. I mean, why else did the lecturer forgive me?

In PAU, class participation is highly encouraged and it’s a way to earn extra credit. You get extra marks for asking questions and contributing in class. When I started classes via zoom late last year, I felt threatened by my classmates. Everyone seems so serious, intense and very intelligent. They always have something to say, then there is me, with my microphone always muted and my head always down looking at my phone and scrolling through Twitter. I never want to speak and I never have anything to say. I like to think I have very high comprehensive skills because I never have any questions to ask. But, I can’t hide. I have been called several times to answer a question or contribute and 9 out of 10 times, I have embarrassed myself. Luckily for me, I can fake a bad network – yunno, skips and all that weird sound. I soothe myself with the fact that as long as I throw it down in the exam hall, I will be fine.

Today, I will pack my load and finally move out of my parent’s house to an apartment in Lagos. This is a major life decision and frankly, I am scared. Scared that I’d go to the kitchen at 2 am and will not find anything to eat. Scared that I can’t go cuddle with my mom when I have a slight headache. Scared that I won’t have light or water, that I may get broke buying food, scared that my garri will finish and all I’ll find in the market is yellow garri or garri with stone. Scared that I will miss FPL deadlines because I’ll be busy with DR Kizito’s Friday classes. Scared of missing my 80% attendance. Scared of getting tired and running back home even though my mum made it clear that if that happens, she’ll instruct the gateman to not let me in. Most importantly, I am scared of failing.

Hopefully, this new phase comes with money (a lot of it) peace and happiness. Pray for me.