The anxiety was really bad this week. Last year, I knew what triggered it so I wasn’t expecting to feel this way again this year. I’ve had a good last 6 months, I have pushed myself beyond my limits, and checked a lot off my list, safe to say I’m thriving. But the anxiety is what I cannot help, it gets so bad that I sometimes wouldn’t step out of my room for an entire day or two. I’m doing a lot but it repeatedly feels like I’m not doing enough.
I complained and complained. It made me sad, I knew I had to get to the bottom of it. So I woke up one morning and prayed to whoever was listening, I said “Just let me know if I’m not doing enough and I promise I’ll do better” After that prayer, I took a book and started to make a list of everything I have done as opposed to what is left to do. It only took me two and a half sheets to realize that I’m probably the biggest ingrate in the world. Once again, I was assured that the city on the hill was still very visible and would always be. So, I said Thank you.
What I’m most grateful for is the people I met this past year. I met the best people in my life and made the most amazing and genuine connections. I also finally figured out what exactly it is that I want to do. Yes, I’m a late-purpose bloomer, but I finally figured out my purpose and it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has made my life so easy and meaningful, all I’m doing now is removing what isn’t in line and replacing it with something better; I do not intend to stop.
Let’s get into my very special quarantine birthday!
12 am – I feel really good, the anxiety is all gone. I’m reminiscing year and praying in my heart. Dami calls to wish me a happy birthday but we end up laughing the entire time, he’s interrupted by my friend who is kind enough to end the call fast so other people can call in. I’m currently shuffling Twitter, WhatsApp, and IG. My fingers are getting numb and the day hasn’t even started 😭
1 am – Still typing “thank you” I’m tired, I feel sleepy
2 am – I fell asleep at one point, woke up and continued from where I stopped
3 am – Still struggling to reply to messages. I need to sleep.
4 am – I woke up feeling ready to conquer the world. Well, I guess not…
5 am -…Oops, I slept off again
6 am – I can hear Mum singing Happy Birthday, her voice’s getting closer and closer. Everyone else has joined in. It’s a mini 6 am party and prayer time.
7 am – Prayer’s over, and we are all hanging out in the sitting room, my mum won’t stop talking about how fast I grew and telling my embarrassing childhood stories. (I’d tell you but I’m not proud of them)
8 am – My sister comes in with the most thoughtful gift. I have always joked about how I do not have any framed photos of myself to hang on my wall. She made me one, and also got me a cute handbag. Today is her birthday too, I feel somehow ‘cause I was very last minute with her birthday gift but she seems to love what I got her.
9 am – Mum is cooking, and I’m walking aimlessly around the house, eating fried chicken, taking calls, listening to music and just being a birthday girl
10 am – I’m in the bathroom to shower but I somehow ended up sitting on the toilet. 30 minutes have passed and I’m still here pressing the phone. A toilet seat is indeed therapeutic. 💆
11 am – Finally showered and now I’m heading out to wine and cake shopping. I’m looking for an uninteresting ice cream cake with a basic rough covering; Something to signify that I’m getting old and tired of birthdays but I’m thankful and I still want to enjoy myself. The cake seller wished me a happy birthday with the brightest smile ever, it made me very happy. 3 bottles of wine and 2 cakes down. I’m heading back home.
12 pm – I’m at the junction of my house, and I realize that I forgot to buy something, I did a quick 360 back to the store, then went back home. I’m doing my makeup, you know, ‘cause I’m tryna take pictures with my cake but my eyebrows chose today of all days to be tragic. Thanks to Tinu on FaceTime, I have a third eye. She is fixing the whole thing, she goes “I think that one is longer than this one” “Reduce the arch”… we are laughing loudly, talking about men and doing some premium ofofo.
1 pm – Chineye is video-calling me for the 100th time today. She sees that I’m doing my makeup and says she’s going to do her makeup too so we can have a “FaceTime date” LMAO, I love her.
2 pm – My face is all done, I have a whole backdrop and tripod setup going on, and I’m taking and editing pictures. My brother comes in and goes “You’re beautiful” I don’t know if it’s normal to blush the way I did but mehn, I was all “awww, ayyy” His timing was perfect. It added ginger to the picture-taking process.
3 pm – FaceTime date with Chineye is going well, she changed her top to match mine because she has the exact type, so we twinning 😌 Incoming calls keep interrupting us but we’re determined to make this work.
4 pm – Subomi calls me and I make a switch to video, we’re having a full-blown gossip section, 1hr has passed and we’re nowhere near done. 5 pm – Tinu joins in, we’re in a group video call. Let the drinking begin!!! We’re drinking, talking, and whatnot. Subomi’s low battery is the utmost vibe killer but at least I can go back to taking calls and replying to texts
6 pm – Celina comes to my room with pizza in hand. Her friends are gone so she finally has my time, we’re eating pizza, watching TikTok videos, and trying to recreate some. Mum comes in to spoil the party, she’s trying to talk to me about something but I’m too tipsy to pay attention.
7 pm – Back in my room; Wine, more wine.
8 pm – I’m on full-time social media duty now, the love is overwhelming and I’m starting to get tired, my fingers are giving up on me. My speaker is spent and I have exhausted my playlist. A Twitter notification pops up and..wait, is that Anon I see? “anon just ordered you a snow White handbag” Hehehe. First, I want to thank God almighty, my mum, and my dad for this incredible opportunity…. to Jack and all the owners of Twitter for enabling me… 😂😂😂😂. Jk, I just can’t get over the fact that I have an anon but whoever you are, thank you❤️
9 pm – I have had too much wine, I can barely get my sentences together. I’m chatting then I realize I am misspelling my words 😭 I’m definitely “dripsy” (blend of drunk and Tipsy) I’m not drunk but I’m above tipsy so, I invented my word. I’m taking breaks to shake my booty in front of the mirror. Bliss.
10 pm – I turn off the music, I’ve had enough. Still very dripsy, I open my box where I keep important “memories” I find about four birthday cards I received in 2016 & 2018, I notice my old purse in a corner of the box but I’m resisting every urge to open it, I know what’s inside and It’s just better to ignore. But Nah, fuck it, come here purse; I see the letters, two of them I got on my birthday years back. I’m reading them, years have passed but they’re still as funny as I remember. It’s like Two and a Half Men, no matter how many times you watch it, you’ll still laugh like the first time. I’m laughing and tearing up at the same time. I’m in my feelings and it doesn’t help that I’m dripsy. Inner me: “Ok, that’s enough emotions for the year, let’s get back to reality”
11 pm – Still trying to figure out who my anon is. I’m starting to think it’s a random person on Twitter (hopefully a street-level drug dealer from London, with Micheal Ward’s swag and Thomas Shelby’s dignity) My phone’s ringing, it’s Dan, my headache and panadol. He’s teasing me in my dripsy state. I mean, who the fuck else can call me “photo-cyn-thesis”? Absolutely no one 😂😂 We’re going on and on, beautiful conversation, absolute pettiness, a little bit of karaoke, and a lot of laughter. We spoke for almost 3hrs. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day.
Thank you all so much for your love. I had the best day at home, thanks to you. I love you ❤️
